Senators versus Gridlockers

Score After Nine Innings: Gridlockers – 13, Senators - 13

Tenth Inning:

Needing extra innings to “get the job done” wasn't something the Senators had planned on. The Gridlockers didn’t mind, because delays and wasted time were skills they spent years perfecting. Meanwhile the naysayers hooted and hollered about the special session with shouts of “I told you so.” 

The only consolation the Senators could find was that Gov. Mark Dayton promised the chief umpire (President of the Senate) Michelle Fischbach (R-Paynesville) that there would be no delay in starting the 10th inning. So at 12:01 am on Tuesday morning, May 23, chief umpire Fischbach barked, “batter up,” and the Gridlockers came to the plate.

Emotions ran high and the tension was palpable. Negotiations in the final days of the regular session laid some groundwork for the hard-hitting discussions that would be necessary to solve the stalemate. The Senators’ leader, Paul Gazelka (R-Nisswa) was in no mood for fooling around, and sent knowledgeable and capable Julie Rosen (R-Vernon Center) to the mound. She devoted immense time and energy to remedying financial pitfalls associated with public retirement programs and struck out the first batter on three pitches. 

Gazelka then called on Mary Kiffmeyer (R-Big Lake), a crafty relief pitcher who carried the State Government finance bill over the finish line, to face the next batter.  A few curveballs later she had recorded an efficient strike out. 

The tender-hearted Jim Abeler (R-Anoka), chair of the Human Services Reform committee and widely regarded as a champion of the disenfranchised, was tapped to face the Gridlockers’ next batter, Seamy Plod, and Abeler tantalized him with surprising off-speed pitches that resulted in a weak pop-up to the catcher, Gary Dahms (R-Redwood Falls). 

The Gridlockers were done in the tenth. 

The Senators hustled to the dugout knowing exactly what needed to be done – they had to strike fast and hard. That is exactly what they did. Carla Nelson (R-Rochester) stepped to the plate and slapped a solid single to right field with an expansive K - 12 budget bill which promised nearly $19 billion in the next biennium.

Michelle Benson (R-Ham Lake) then hit a line drive single to center field (delivering $14 billion on behalf of Health and Human Services) advancing Nelson to second base. The excitement at Capitol Stadium mounted as budget bills were systematically passed - many of them with strong bipartisan support. Finally, David Senjem (R-Rochester), knowing his billion dollar bonding bill had passed nearly unanimously, strode to the plate and ripped the first pitch into the right field alley, scoring his Rochester compatriot, Carla Nelson, from second! 

There would be no government shutdown – the Senators had won, 14 – 13, by demonstrating the ability to govern using the tools of teamwork, savvy “inside baseball,” and respect for the governor’s office. 

A collective sigh of relief came from both sides of the aisle and pleasant farewells were shared. 

But suddenly any feelings of comradery disappeared! Despite signing all the budget bills, Gov. Dayton announced that he was protesting the outcome by vetoing the funds necessary for financing Senate operations. Senate leaders tried to reassure the fans that the governor’s tactic would be for naught. After all, how could a governor simply line-item veto the Senators right out of business? Only time would tell.   

And so it was that the 2017 session ended in angst and acrimony. The Senators packed their briefcases and returned to their home districts. The game was under protest, and though there would be no government shutdown, uncertainty ruled the day. Despite broad consensus among the fans that all three branches of government – executive, legislative, and judicial – required autonomy from one another regarding ongoing functions, the fact of the matter was that the Senators no longer had access to the dollars they needed to pay the bills. 

The announcer, Scott Jensen (R-Chaska), shook his head in resignation, packed his treasure chest of potato chips and Oreos into a backpack, and mumbled a few last words to his assistant, Bailey: “You can’t make this stuff up,” he said and drove off into the sunset.  He was last seen heading toward Carver County, a place he regarded as one of God’s best creations. 

Final Score: Senators – 14, Gridlockers - 13

Proud to be representing Senate District 47, 

Senator Scott Jensen